8. 1910? (Interlude)

I really thought I had something for this year. But my disorganised filing will not allow me to find it! If I do stumble across it, be sure it will be added along the way ………. So instead some more Victorian Humour/ Facts or otherwise from the ‘Millions Book of Laughter’ (I know you can’t wait !!)

Incidents and Stories (Cricket and Football)

I was watching a football match a little while ago. I was standing beside a man whom they called ‘O’d Putty’. He always went on crutches until his football match came off. He was wanting one side to win, and I the other. When at last his side won, he was so pleased that he ran home without his crutches, shouting ‘Goo’ lad, Low Moor! Maria, were are ta? They’ve won!’

Playing for South of England against the Australians, at Hastings, in 1866, Mr. H. Pigg bowled Mr. Giffen, and sent one of the bails a distance of 43 yards 2 inches.

Whilst the football match – Cheshire Lines v. South TranmereY.M.F.S, was in progress recently, a young bullock became very frisky on seeing the players running about in their variegated jerseys. The bullock rushed in amongst the players, and finally espying Ashton, the ‘Friendlies’ goalkeeper, between the posts, charged at him some distance away. Then, whilst the goal was left undefended, the ‘Linesman’ scored a goal, and no whistle being sounded, the point was counted.

This (according to a clever Paris society paper) is how our game of football strikes the intelligent foreigner: “ I went,” says he “to the Blackheath on Saturday to observe the game (essentially Brittanic) of football. This is what I saw: The players precipitated themselves furiously upon each other; arms and legs were instantly dislocated; collarbones broken, children of tender years limped off the field with fatal injuries, and all round were weeping mothers and distracted fathers, tending their bruised and battered offspring……..Anon the game was resumed, amidst howls and execrations from all sides, fragments of clothing, and of hair and skin, torn ruthlessly from the heads and bodies of the rival, stewedthe field. It was a spectacle terrible and affecting! I turned away with tears in my eyes” – from “Johnson’s Football Guide, 1891-2”

(Erm and football gets a bad press these days ???)

Many first-class professional football players earn £7 a week


More than 35,000 spectators have witnessed a football match.

When one of the Lancashire Football Clubs went to the Metropolis to play in the final tie in the contest for the English Cup, many of their supporters accompanied them, and startled the Cockneys with their ways and speech. In the excitement of the match on Northern visitor had his toes stamped on by a Southern spectator, and after patiently bearing this state of things for some time, he turned round and, in spite of a deprecatory “Excuse! I beg your pardon!” savagely exclaimed, in his native Doric, “Dang tha’ pardon, but I’se punse thi awt same!”

(yes that is how it was written??)

and finally some ‘WIT and WISDOM”

Great age this we live in. People don’t laugh now-a-days, they indulge in merriment. They don’t walk, they promenade. They never eat any food, they masticate it. Nobody has a tooth pulled out , it is extracted. No one has his feelings hurt, they are lacerated. Young men so not go courting the girls, they pay the young ladies attention. It is vulgar to visit anyone, you must only make a call. Of course you would not think of going to bed, you would retire to rest. Nor would you build a house, you would erect it. So we go!”

Ok just one more !!

After the wedding.
He: ‘why, what are you crying for my love?’
She: ‘Over papa’s wedding present –boo-hoo’
He: ‘why what’s the matter with it ?’
She: ‘It’s nothing but the receipted bill for the gas we used up during our courtship’